♥♥♥

P.S.:

Here is the link which was playing at the birth of my little sunshine..
oh no.. of our little sunshine ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYQGgl-quVg&feature=related


Alicia & Sam:) xxx

The end =)

Hey =)

I think it will be the last blog,because I think it doesn´t make sense to write more,..
Sam and me split up definitely.. but it´s okay,..yes one could say I am happy with this solution.

I´ve git an new boyfriend and he has got a new girlfriend and she´s pretty cute =)

now we are best friends .. and I guess for Roof is it brilliant,too..

I don´t want to write more.. this is my life and I want my privacy now ;)

Alicia xxx :):))

and thanks for reading :) ♥

Chapter 18 - oh no..another row.. :S

Oh no.. It happend again and I think it will happend again and again for many times.. hmm whatever we had another row yesterday evening. Since he moved out it was more exhaustings than with his assistance.Tahts the reason because I need and want to have time only for me,and as Sam came around and wanted to talk to me.But I was in the bathroom when Sam came and so I was nerved yet when he knocked at the door.. I hate it when somebody bother me..then I can go off.. aaahhh ;D
And the turning point was that he told me that he prefer to do other things than look at me.. That was to much for me. Does that mean that Sam has got another girlfriend and doesn´t want to be in conctact anymore? What will happen with Roof?... These and 1000 other questions were in my mind in this moment.I was so angry and so I shouted at him called him stupid names..:/
I impended him that he´ll never see Roof again when he cheat me..and because I shouted and didn´t talk normal my mum heard it and came apstairs to see what is wrong. She took us by her side and said we should talk to eachother but not scream. As Sam told me something about his feeling adverse to Roof. He is scared of loose the contact to him,..That made me very happy and proud :)
So I had to apologize me to him for beeing unfair.. ;) It was my misstake..

But I have to look after Roof now.. byebye
Alicia.. xxx

Chapter 17 - Is something wrong?

hiii :)

Everything has changed a lot..

It was really strange and bizarre to see Sams father Dave. Due to the fact that Dave never took care of Sam I was really impressed or better to say surprised when Sam told me that his dad wanted to dine with Roof and Sam..

Then Sam got a cold and it was really annoying to hear his coughing and sneezing the whole night. It was horrible.It was the start of a new part of our life. We both knew that we wanted to move out but never talked about this issue because..hmm I don´t know.. it´s just a weird topic.. you know ;)
besides I don´t want to live alone with Sam in our house but I don´t want to constrain him..So we decided that it will be the best that he moves to his mum at first so he can get well soon. we however also discussed that he will come back when he isn´t that ill anymore.. :)
I am sure he is going to come back and will support me again.But we will see .. :S

Alicia xxx

Chapter 16 - good or bad?

First I want to say: Living without Roof is impossible..
Roof is the most important part of my life and I can´t imagine to be without him..and Sam,too ;) Now,I live in a perfect world,but sometimes I wish I would get more sleep..Sometimes it strains me..Over the day it isn´t so hard like during the night because over the day my parents,or Sam's parents can help us..but during the night its really hard work. Sam and me are trying to change our "night shifts" but Sam often doesn´t hear when Roof is crying..Then I have to wake him up.. But after the 3th rippedblow he woke up and stayed with Roof;)
Every morning I am alone with Rufus,because he is still going to school and doing something for his education and normaly he´s pretty good at school and never has troubles or something like that and so I was really surprised when he came home one day and told me that he had had a fight with a guy who claimed that he is the father of Sam.. I knew in an instant who this must have been. It surely was my exboyfriend Jason..Now I really hate him..

But I´m sure you want to know why they had a fight.Well he met Jason at school and I don´t know why but he talked to him..But during this dialogue,suddenly Jason claimed that he is the real father of Roof and Sam is just the .. hmm I don´t know what he would be..And the worst thing was that Sam believed in this stuff.I was really surprised because when you think about this damn story..Sam told me that Jason told him I already was pregnant when Sam and I had sex with eachother.I was shocked!!! He really believes that I would lie to him?? In this moment I nearly went crazy.When I think back to this day I still could go insane.. aaaaaaaarrghh...okay, I am going on now ;) I couldn´t believe that he trusts some stupid guy more than me .. Well.. I calculated with him the time of the day when Roof was born and when I split up with Jason and so on.. So I could assure himself of beeing the biological father. He believed me but I also know that he hoped that Jasons story was true and he could go back to his mum and live with her because deep inside we both know that he'd prefer living with her instead of me.After the row we hugged and kissed eachother and it was brilliant. I was a blessing in disguise =)=)

Alicia xxx

Chapter 15 - a normal day.. ;)

Hii everybody :)
First I ´ll say : I am the happiest mother of the world!!
I know it´s late but since Roof and me are back from the hospital I have a lot to do and everything is new and feels awkward and new to me..
I can tell you,living with a newborn isn´t easy :/
but its an awesome feeling to look into the face of your own child,espacially when you are supported by your whole family..THANKS ALOT!

When I was laid-off from the hospital I was really happy to be at home..and the best thing for me was that Sam moved into my house..okay the house of my family but you know what I wanted to say. Sam came with his mum and Mark. He took some of his things with him..you know : clothes etc. ..
Sam is going to live here because we both have to take the responsibility for our sweatheart:) - every day and every night.
Sam is still going to school to get a good education and do his exams very well..My grades aren´t so good,but thats not important to me..I know everybody else says,or would say that I have to do school and that school should be the most important part of my life..I know I know but I don´t care..

I am going to write more tomorrow because I have to go to bed now..
sleep tight!
ciao Alicia xxxx

Chapter 13/14 - being a mother..

Sam and me often thought about the future and what we had to do and what will be the best for everybody.We came to the end that I´ll leave school for one year and come back one year later,when my baby will be a little bit older and maybe can go to the "kindergarten"..We talked about everything and nothing.But at the moment when everthing began it just wasn´t how I imagined and dreamed of this all..

well before I am going to start with the most important part of my life,I have to say .Here is a short summary of the day which changed everthing "A few days ago before the birth my mum,Sam and me baled a pocket with all my stuff for the time at the hospital.As my mum told me we should take some CD´s and other little things like that..In this moment I thought it only was crazy or stupid..but in the end I know it wasn´t...

When the contractions began I was scared of doing any mistakes and of course of the pains and the whole devolution of the birth.. :/
But I think thats normal and espacially for teenagers and I often heard that these feelings are normal before the first birth,I think you know what I mean.. ;)
At the beginning of the contractions I was in the bathroom and Sam came in after a few minutes,too...I guess he was still there but he didn´t trust himself to survive it ;) I was so happy to see him but I had so big pains that I couldn´t show it and so I called him bad and stupid names all the time.. Now I regret it!
Hereupon,we drove to the hospital and I was still shouting at Sam,my mum and the nurses who were around.Sam put his CD into the CD-Player but that wasn´t the right music..I was more aggressiv than before.I was glad that my mum put her CD into the player,because it was the perfect music..I can´t describe why,but it was...

While my little sunshine was born this CD was running.When I hold MY baby in my arms I was so happy like never before.All compunctions of the past were away and I love him since the first moment. The month ago I concerned myself with a name for the baby..Then Sam had a good idea,he asked for the singer who was playing a song while OUR little child was born.My mum answered that the singer is called Rufus Wainwright and Sams brilliant idea was that we can call our baby Rufus. I liked the idea and so we decided to do it :)
Suddenly Sam called Rufus Roof,first I was a kind of shocked,because when you have a baby you might want that he or she will called by the right name and not by any nickname,but it was okay. I really like Roof. It´s a cool name.. :P
It was such a great feeling to hold him in my arms,to feel is breath and his body heat.. :)
maybe you really don´t know what I want to say but I think when you get your son or daughter you can fallow me..

whatever..many people came to visit us - the little new family :)
but after we had discuss which surname our Roof will get,by the way : My parents demanded to call him Burns and Sam and his family wantet to call him Jones we decided that his full name will be : Rufus "Roof" Jones..it´s great,isn´t it? ;)
but what was pretty bothersome was that everybody of my family told us that Roof look like me and Sam´s family said that he is a little Sam ;)

oouhh.. Now I have to finish because Roof is shouting..I guess he is needing a change..
I ´ll come back later and write more..
see you
xxx Alicia :)

intermediate result.

hii again :)
I think you may know that my parents hate oder at least don´t like Sam,because in their minds they think that Sam had destroyed my life,the life of my parents,the life of the unborn child and and his life,too but I guess that the last point isn´t so important for them because they don´t take care of Sam and his family.They only take care of themselves and the rest doesn´t matter.unfortunately..when we told my parents that Sam will move to us when the baby is born,I think they was shocked..but all in all they are happy that Sam will move to us and not the other way round.But also when Sam and me decided to live by him my parents have to accept that.In the opinion of my parents Sam´s family isn´t good for a child or a teenager because Sam grown up without a dad,they think a child need both,a mother´s love and a father´s strictness.
okay..enough of that stuff,you may want to know how Sam is looking.If you take a photo of Sams normal life you probably get one of skating..all the time he´s skating,but I think you know that ;)
okay.I want to describe this picture :
you see a tall guy who do a trick in the city.you can´t discover him very well..because he´s busy..normaly he´s wearing a t-shirt with a jeans.quasi a normal day outfit.

okay..byebye..
Alicia xxx