Chapter 13/14 - being a mother..

Sam and me often thought about the future and what we had to do and what will be the best for everybody.We came to the end that I´ll leave school for one year and come back one year later,when my baby will be a little bit older and maybe can go to the "kindergarten"..We talked about everything and nothing.But at the moment when everthing began it just wasn´t how I imagined and dreamed of this all..

well before I am going to start with the most important part of my life,I have to say .Here is a short summary of the day which changed everthing "A few days ago before the birth my mum,Sam and me baled a pocket with all my stuff for the time at the hospital.As my mum told me we should take some CD´s and other little things like that..In this moment I thought it only was crazy or stupid..but in the end I know it wasn´t...

When the contractions began I was scared of doing any mistakes and of course of the pains and the whole devolution of the birth.. :/
But I think thats normal and espacially for teenagers and I often heard that these feelings are normal before the first birth,I think you know what I mean.. ;)
At the beginning of the contractions I was in the bathroom and Sam came in after a few minutes,too...I guess he was still there but he didn´t trust himself to survive it ;) I was so happy to see him but I had so big pains that I couldn´t show it and so I called him bad and stupid names all the time.. Now I regret it!
Hereupon,we drove to the hospital and I was still shouting at Sam,my mum and the nurses who were around.Sam put his CD into the CD-Player but that wasn´t the right music..I was more aggressiv than before.I was glad that my mum put her CD into the player,because it was the perfect music..I can´t describe why,but it was...

While my little sunshine was born this CD was running.When I hold MY baby in my arms I was so happy like never before.All compunctions of the past were away and I love him since the first moment. The month ago I concerned myself with a name for the baby..Then Sam had a good idea,he asked for the singer who was playing a song while OUR little child was born.My mum answered that the singer is called Rufus Wainwright and Sams brilliant idea was that we can call our baby Rufus. I liked the idea and so we decided to do it :)
Suddenly Sam called Rufus Roof,first I was a kind of shocked,because when you have a baby you might want that he or she will called by the right name and not by any nickname,but it was okay. I really like Roof. It´s a cool name.. :P
It was such a great feeling to hold him in my arms,to feel is breath and his body heat.. :)
maybe you really don´t know what I want to say but I think when you get your son or daughter you can fallow me..

whatever..many people came to visit us - the little new family :)
but after we had discuss which surname our Roof will get,by the way : My parents demanded to call him Burns and Sam and his family wantet to call him Jones we decided that his full name will be : Rufus "Roof" Jones..it´s great,isn´t it? ;)
but what was pretty bothersome was that everybody of my family told us that Roof look like me and Sam´s family said that he is a little Sam ;)

oouhh.. Now I have to finish because Roof is shouting..I guess he is needing a change..
I ´ll come back later and write more..
see you
xxx Alicia :)